Life Pangs! Life Gaps!

It's the hunger of want that drives man,
A pursuit of nothing that makes me almost mad.
Is it not nothing?
This life we are living?
The things we keeping wanting?
The people we are endlessly loving?
Yet, we must keep wanting, living, loving....
How detestable!
I can almost hear the gods mocking,
Mocking the joke that is human life.
How expendable we are!
How important we pretend to be!

Still,
Wanting is all we can do.
Each day I wake up with a want.
Today I thought, I want a man, handsome, influential, confident, strong....HIM.
The same man I wanted yesterday, the same man I will want a year from now!
And when I have him I will want something else,
I will always want to my very last breath!
However,
I would rather I never wanted anything or anyone...
I want a good life, material things, a legacy......
How I hate myself for wanting!
And what a purpose I find in wanting!

But of what good is wanting?
Of what importance is living?
What is the end-game really?
Don't you sometimes feel like we are in something incomplete?
Like we were the process of a trial and error? A notion that went wrong?
A good idea that was not so good after all?
Does life not feel like a game where we are not the players?
Does it not all feel like nothingness?
We are simply at some higher power's will,
A higher power that made an error!
I wonder if we have not been left on our own;
We were a failure... Who wants anything to do with failure?
So perhaps we have imagined ourselves into being!
Perhaps we have imagined ourselves into wanting!

Life pangs I tell you!
The hunger that never ends.
Low-life humans,
The scum that always bends,
To nature's ruthless will!
Yet,
What is nature?
What really is life?
What is the beginning, where is the end?
Forget the primitive definitions man has attempted to create.
Forget the religion that holds us captive.
Think,
Why should we want?
Why should we live?
Why are we here?
For whose amusement are we here for?
What is the objective?
But our wanting somehow keeps us from answering these questions.
Each day we toil to achieve our wants.
But what do we get for our efforts?
Death and nothingness.

I always thought school was hard until I met life!
I now wonder, what grade am I working to achieve?
For nothingness is all we get.
We love, we want, we live,
And nothingness is all we get!
We look for happiness
Yet,
What does it mean to be happy if it never lasts?
What does it mean to live if we are mortal?
Life pangs and life gaps I tell you,
Such horrible reflections!

Nothing Can Save Me Now

You were my Knight in shining armor,
You saved me, you made me.
You captured my heart, my soul,
My everything.
You were my sole source of light,
And you still are, every day and every night.
I knew then as I know now,
Nothing can save me.

Caught in your snares,
Enthralled in your masculine wares,
I am the fool that fell,
I am the clown that keeps falling.
I am forever following your baritone bell.
I am forever seeking your expensive musk,
Enticed by your carefree nature.
Truly,
Nothing can save me now.

I built castles around your eyes,
I threw caution to the wind,
And chose to allow me be bound.
I thought, nothing good comes easy.
And even when he suffocates me, pushes me to the edge,
I know that no one can save me.

He was my savior,
I can expect no other.
I have learnt to channel the hurt, it is no longer a bother.
And perhaps when things get better,
When his love is deep inside me,
When his love is so bright I cannot see,
I will shed a tear or two,
Thinking how glad I am that nothing can save me!

Crazy In Love

The darkness of love she felt,
So strong like a tight belt.
It was eating away at her soul,
So much like a mole,
Eats away at the flesh.
She wanted the light,
But she was too far gone in the dark,
Too taken, too smitten.
She was weak in love,
She was blind in love.
She had loved him as she had loved herself,
And now,
She was paying the price.

The love demon kept calling,
Her lonely heart kept going.
Was love not supposed to be a good thing? She wondered trudging on.
Yet,
What do they say about too much of a good thing?

The darkness beckoned her to a place,
Where she mused on something grave.
The cold is for the bold,
And she was bold, with a soul that was sold.
She could hurt herself, scrape the pain away with a blade like it were dirt.
She could take two pills or three, and silently teleport to a different place.
The truth was,
She was hurting,
And only a similar hurt could cure her!

Shairi Njoo

Shairi njoo, shairi njoo,
Mara nyingi kwangu mawazo yaja kwa Kiingereza, Kiswahili sasa nimeamua kujieleza.
Tangu nitoke skuli, Kiswahili niliweka kando,
Usidhani nikakidharau, La!
Mbali Kiingereza nikapenda.

Shairi njoo, Shairi njoo,
Utamu wa lugha umezidi, usifikiri Kiswahili sitamani,
Usidhani shairi siwezi tunga, usidhani la kusema siwezi pata.

Shairi njoo, shairi njoo,
Mapenzi, huzuni, dini, gani shairi nitaandika?
Mawazo ninayo, kalamu ninayo,
Lakini utajiri wa lugha kidogo umepungua, kamusi basi nitahitaji

Shairi njoo, shairi njoo,
Shairi ninayo, ngoja kidogo vitenzi nijikumbushe.
Methali pia niangalie, vitabu pia nisome.
Shairi laja, shairi laja,
Hivi punde!

Tall Fella

Hello there, tall fella.
Such a tall drink of water you are,
That if I had you, I should never be thirsty!
How sculptured! How tuned!
Like an acapella.
Such height, I could actually climb you! Such a delight you are to look at, like an ancient god, equivocal and intimidating!

Hey there, tall fella.
I strain my neck, to see the color of your eyes.
You make me feel like a child when you pass me by.
Oh, my!
How you momentarily offer shade,
When you pass me by!

Yo! Tall fella,
It must be a wonderful view from up there.
You probably hardly see me, down here.
This is fine, for your giraffe legs do intimidate me greatly,
Your athletic torso does make me catch my breath insanely.
I want you, but as a piece of art to possess.
I need you, but as a fantasy to pass a lonely day.
Tall fella, you are the kind of man I want, but naturally, do not want!

Only imagine the awkwardness;
How would we walk together in the streets?
Such an effort it would be to have a conversation if we meet!
How often I underestimate eye contact,
Until I meet a fella whose eyes are below the clouds!

I hereby shake off the 'tall, dark, and handsome fever.'
I hereby embrace a bit tall, chocolate, and handsome!

Who Am I?

I am a woman grown,
With hips wide, plenty of room for a growing foetus.
A bosom big, for a lover's head,
A heart large, with love for all humanity.
I am a woman strong,
With a soft core, vulnerable and weak.
With tears deep, a sea to drown earth's cares.
I am a woman strong,
I hurt, I fail, I never quit.
I am a woman strong,
For I have done wrong,
Twice, thrice, a dozen times,
I have loved my flaws,
I have freed myself,
Because,
I am a woman bold,
I hold my head up high,
I mold myself into a better person,
I never lie.
Honesty is my policy,
Decency is my code.

I am a woman selfless,
I give, give, and never stop giving.
I serve my husband, I serve my children, I serve society....
Yet, I never tire.
I blossom in selflessness.
I glow in submissiveness.
I give up my needs, I put my loved ones first.
I am a woman jealous,
I am bitter at another woman's success,
I compete to be the best mum, to have the best kids, to have the wealthiest man...
I am never contented!
I want to be, but this is my flaw,
A curse I never wanted.

I am not a woman feminist,
I accept the second place naturally given to women,
I accept to be submissive to a man who deserves it,
I accept to let him lead, to let him be the man,
I accept to nurse, raise my kids, cook, clean.....
I accept to be a woman, a helper, a giver of life.
I do not accept domestic violence,
I detest female genital mutilation,
I am against harassment of any kind to a woman.
I encourage a voice for all, fairness for all.
But,
The bonds of family are breaking,
The more women chase after equality,
The more responsibilities they get.
Remember,
A woman is the foundation of family,
And so,
If she is out handling other responsibilities,
The family will fall.
Equality is misleading, do you dig?
Men and women are different, do you dig?
But,
I am a woman of my own opinion,
I like the old fashioned way,
Simple, religious, clear as day.
Let those women with time to waste battle for equality,
While I, sit back and enjoy the love of family.

I am a woman bound,
To loyalty, trust, honesty,
The High Law.
I am a woman restless,
With dwindling patience,
Sometimes.

I am a woman lonely,
With secrets deep that can be shared not.
I am a woman broken,
With a hollow that has been left unfilled.

I am a woman intuitive,
I trust my gut, it never leads me astray.

I am this woman now, tomorrow I will be gray.
I bring the good into tomorrow,
The bad I leave behind.
Yet, some things, like my shadow, will forever be with me.

I am a woman mortal,
Who will I be,
When it's all over?

With my eyes closed....

With my eyes closed, happiness came unbidden.
Like the sun at the crack of dawn,
Warm and promising.

With my eyes closed,
I painted love in all its gladness,
Orange and yellow hues,
Warm and bold.

With my eyes closed,
Loneliness ceased.
I found warmth in companionship,
As a cub finds family in a pride.

With my eyes closed,
My tears flowed,
As a light rain falls while the sun shines on.

With my eyes closed,
I was in Eden;
In place of Eve, was me, the helper, to a handsome man,
With skin as dark as ebony.

With my eyes closed,
I saw a Ram and a Crab among the stars,
United forever.

With my eyes closed,
I was whole, complete,
Like a solved crossword puzzle.

With my eyes closed,
Dreams and reality were one,
As if I had been ferried to the future.

With my eyes closed,
Destiny was made clear,
Decisions were made here.

With my eyes closed,
I was love, I was loved.
I gave life.